Personal healing reflections
I thought it might be nice to do a personal reflection and share some of the more profound healing I experienced and had the privilege of receiving on our recent tours of Mexico and Peru.
Many years ago, I committed to rolling up my sleeves and making sure my journey in healing, transformation, and growth was a lifelong endeavour. As I like to share with people, healing is not an event but a journey.
The last 12 – 24 months have seen an exponential leap in my evolution. That is not to say everything is sunshine and rainbows, but rather that I am working through core wounds, misaligned seeds, and shadow states. At the same time, this has illuminated my consciousness through exploration and dealings in the higher realms.
What I have noticed is that my really big breakthroughs have come through healing and integrating pain, revealing and healing past-life karmic entanglements, and softening into my heart more by healing and balancing the feminine side of me.
As humans, we are here to move through some key Polarity Integrations:
- Spirit and matter
- Feminine and masculine
- Light and shadow
- Past and future
- Ego and soul
- Material and spiritual
- Action and stillness
To name a few. Integrating each of these poles brings you deeper into your centre, deeper into yourself, and more deeply embodied.
My journey over the last 18 months has seen a number of these continue to deepen, heal, and integrate. In particular, I wish to share a recent profound healing in the Amazon Morphogenesis program that relates to a deeper healing on the feminine—masculine pole.
Healing of the patriarchy seed, and sacred feminine
Over the years, many of you who have attended live events with me have commented on my beautiful softening. Thank you to all of you for providing this lovely feedback on this part of my journey.
Another layer of this story and journey was able to be released and let go of, going all the way back to a very ancient part of my consciousness. In ceremony three in the Amazon, the medicine was stronger, and I was able to open a final time capsule in my heart that was the origin of a separation in consciousness from the feminine.
As I felt this welling up, I felt such deep, immense sadness, pain, grief, heartache and loss. As the wound opened, it took me down to a timeline that was very, very long ago; it was opening a part of my higher consciousness that was still frozen and separated from the feminine.
All of this was felt in my very real, raw, and open human heart. It was like I was experiencing compounded lifetimes of pain, separation, betrayal, and loss. I could feel the heaviness of my heart crack open, like the cracking open of a slab of granite on my chest.
Yes, it was my turn in the mixer, the most hallowed place that many psychonauts refer to in explaining when they get a working over during plant medicine journeys.
Thankfully, the shamans were singing their icaros, and Alaya’s beautiful feminine healing hands were tending to the wound that was clearing. The whole process probably lasted around an hour by the time I pulled through the mixer.
I felt the tears and anguish slowly start to recede, and then what birthed was a beautiful new essence that began softly glowing in my chest. A little after that, as I had a cuddle with Alaya, I felt a whole new level of closeness, almost like we were fully unified at long last.
A rebirthing to new spaciousness
It was a profound healing; I knew it would take some time to integrate.
Now that I have landed back in Aotearoa and am getting back into the routine, I can feel the profound change emanating from my field. More importantly, Alaya, who is my barometer for where I am at, is noticing a massive shift and, according to her, finds me more appealing as I am getting older and softer.
It feels like my magnetics have amplified, and I am slowly finding myself in a more suitable spaciousness of life that is more harmonious and fluid than previously.
Even Cosmic, our designer who has been with us for almost 10 years, noticed a new frequency in my videos he was witnessing through the editing. Now, if Cosmic is noticing things, something has definitely shifted. Thanks, Cos.
The core wound – and your energetic defence
The keys to making significant breakthroughs in life are finding the courage to go through the defences and pain and to feel ALL that is there to be felt and transmuted.
Most people don’t change because the whole system is hardwired to prevent you from accessing the core wound. All of your ENERGETIC DEFENSIVE PROGRAMS kick-off, and you start running your primary ENERGETIC PROGRAM, which does its unconscious spiritual Kung-Foo and denies you access to the pain.
In my case, it was busyness and running an energy field that pushed anything coming into it aggressively away.
Take a moment to reflect on what your energy does when pain feels imminent. Doing this gives you clues to your shadows and wounds. Learning to track yourself like this allows you to reverse engineer the pain underneath.
Over the years, a body of work has developed that was seeded by Wilheim Reich (a student of Freud) and carried forward by various luminaries who began examining how the human energy consciousness system reacts to pain and threat.
In the coming weeks, I will release as free content my take on these energetic defences and send you some videos you can use to contemplate your own path.
In the meantime, here’s to more softness, gentleness, and spaciousness in my life.
And as a pleasant consequence, more cuddles from my wife!
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